This absolutely terrifies me. I am really not very good at articulating what I feel and making it logical. Everything is there buzzing around my brain and everything links and makes sense but it is a feeling rather than words.
I have everything in mind maps and I have explained what I want to say to lots of people, talking it through BUT it gets lost when it has escaped out of my brain.
I am really scared to even begin this presentation. I have started making bullet points and I know what I am doing and how I am going to do it but I am scared that I won't do it justice, that I won't be able to portray what I want to say well enough and miss important things out just because they are implied.
I can quite easily chatter away for 10 mins about my project but its that fact that I have to present it. I think I would find it a lot easier if it was a discussion.
I needed to get the poster out of the way before I could concentrate on this because the stress of that was emotionally draining enough. I don't know if this was procrastination or my awful tactic of being so afraid to start something that it almost becomes physically impossible to begin. This happened a few times through 6th form with scary projects, particularly my German speaking. I physically couldn't prepare for it, even though I enjoy speaking German...
I have left myself 2 full days to create this power point before submission which is a lot of time but I am going to have to factor in a break down which will 100% appear because it is exhausting just focusing on words.
I do have to admit that it was my birthday and I had a performance which took a large chunk out of this week, preparing and arriving early and then celebrating but not too hard.
I also am having trouble with my M.E again... it is making my days a lot shorter than an ordinary day but frustratingly in that I am exhausted and can't get to sleep but I then can't get up in the morning... so my day only is 12.00-22.00 being able to function and do work. I am finding this project very stressful and I honestly don't think I could cope with another project and deadline after this one...
As I was writing this blog my friend was in a bad way and there was nothing I could do to help. I was processing how I was feeling and I then had to deal with this buy writing it all down into a song.
I started off with the lyrics, writing 2 lines at a time then thinking about what I wanted to say. Then once I had all of the lyrics I messed around with some chords until I was happy and then tried to put a melody to the lyrics. This took experimentation and I had to keep developing it until I was happy and could remember the tune. Whilst doing this I had to refine the lyrics so that they would fit to my melody as not all of them did. Then I re-wrote everything down and ran through the song, focusing on expression and the structure and where the chorus's were going to go and how the song was going to end. Then I recorded the song.
This follows the same structure as my process of image making:
- Research and processing (understanding my thoughts)
- Exploration (figuring out the best way to articulate my feelings)
- Aesthetic (figuring out how I want the song to song to sound with the chords and melody)
- Refine (making sure the lyrics fit to the tune and getting the structure sorted and practicing it)
- Perform (recorded on my phone)
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